last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
