Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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