Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
