Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
