my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
