Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
