He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
