Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
