No awkward lesbian experiences without me
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
