why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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