So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
this hospital has no fireball
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
