I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
third nipple confirmed
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
