are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
