one might say we're banned from that church
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
