The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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