your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
