I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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