Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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