this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
