You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just pee around me
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
