You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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