i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
