i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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