Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
