Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
