i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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