No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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