even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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