If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
