Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just cut my nipple shaving
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
