It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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