My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Please don't give away my fajitas
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
