I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
