3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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