Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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