If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
