We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
