I'm so fucking centered right now
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
bring money and cleavage
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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