I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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