we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
