i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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