If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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