god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
