the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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