12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
