I'm lost and stupid without you.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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