You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
