Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
