All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
