Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
