dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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