i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The beer is more important than you right now.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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